NJP

The funniest thing happened last night. Not funny as in "Ha Ha" funny, but funny in the sense that it was sort of weird.

We (the family and I) brought in the New Year with our Dad, after eight years had passed since he died. We watched home video's of him and the kids when they were small, all of us younger and a lot skinnier. But the strangest thing was that it didn't feel like any time had passed what so ever. There was no days or nights missing him, it hadn't accumulated to eight years since his passing, the kids weren't out partying to bring in the New Year it seemed. Everything was back "to normal" again. The accumulation of over 2920 days was gone. Weird indeed.

It sure was nice to hear his voice though. When you try and remember what he sounds like, you just can't seem to remember the exact tone I suppose. I feared this so much. Sure you remember the things he did, the silly mannerisms, the way he jumped up and down when he got over excited about things, but you don't actually remember in your mind the sound of someone's voice after they're gone for this amount of time. Well, not for me anyways.

Yup, we were all there. The "whole" family. Some of us were sportin' the bushy moustache, some of us were sportin' the lion's mane of hair from the 80's, but we were all there together. Something happens to a family when you suddenly take one of the members out of it. If you've ever experienced someone close to you dying, then you know that feeling. I guarantee you after last night, as far as I am concerned, the last eight years of my life could certainly have never existed. I can jump back to the good ole days when Dad was here in that split second, and it's as if the last eight years, never happened. It's very strange that's for sure.

But what a treat to see him there, to have him back with us for a little while. (It's as if you never left Dad.) I don't think of him much during the course of everyday living. It just brings tears to my eyes and there never seems to be a convenient time to cry, or to hurt. So I just avoid it most days. Who would want to intentionally hurt themselves right? Not me, that's who. So the pictures have never made it to the walls, and the thoughts of those wonderful times and silly things he did, are kept at bay. It's just a survival mode I think, but it's all I know how to do. I've managed to get through nearly 3000 days without him so, I've got to stick to that. It seems unbearable to think otherwise.

I wonder if we'll ever miss anyone quite the same after this. There sure is a lot of love for that man in our family. Mom just can't wait to see him again, and I'm sure in the secrets of her heart, prays to be there, where ever that is, with him. I'm not sure how the whole "where does your soul go after you die" thing works. The book of Revelations talks about Jesus Christ our Saviour coming back for all those of us who are saved and believe in Him. It talks about Him coming back to judge the living and the dead. So until this time, what happens to the soul of a man? Does it stay dormant somewhere? Does it go directly to the Lord for Judgement at that time? Things I suppose we will never know while living. I'll have to read more about that in my bible.

What I do know for sure is that I, we, need to see him again. And there is no other way we could accept than being together again as a "whole" family. So if there is any chance that I can pray for this reunion, let my words be extremely clear, in saying that I pray for our "whole" family to become one again, in a state of eternity. It was great seeing you Dad. It was great starting off 2011 with you. No one knows what year will be their target date, the year that is forever associated with their death. We had no idea that we only had eight years left with you when we were filming those films. We had no idea that you wouldn't actually make it to see your grandchildren's weddings like you said you would in the video. Looks like it's up to us now to bring those embarrassing clips from when the kids were small to their weddings like you promised them you would do. I'll do it Dad. For you.

If 2011 marks the year of my own passing, let it be known here and now that I am with the Lord my Saviour. I got there because I believed in Him, and I asked Him to come into my heart as my Saviour. Do not cry for me when I am gone, it will be me who cries for you knowing that you are left here to fend for yourselves with grief to bear because of me. I have to have faith that we will all be together again some day, with never ever having to attend another funeral. Imagine that.

To my family I love so dear, let's enjoy Dad more often, to keep him near.
To my father, it was good seeing you again Dad. Miss you tons.
To Jesus my Lord, thank you for never leaving us, not even for a moment. It is through you we get all strength.

(http://www.mustangsrule2002.blogspot.com/)