Dear Jesus,

Wow, it's been a long time since I've written You hasn't it? Far too long indeed, and I am so very sorry for that.

Well, as You already know, there have been so many things going on lately. I've been far too busy for You it seems. I get lost in the day-to-day activities of work, and family, and kids, and homework or lack there of. All these things seem to take every moment of my time. It seems okay for the first while doesn't it, like the first couple of days, not being around You, not reading Your letters, or not talking with You, but when that couple of days starts turning into a few weeks, well, You know what happens then. Then it becomes a bother, it becomes too much work, it makes you think that You're not around for some reason, that You're not there to help me, so I might as well do it by myself. Then the blame begins. Since You haven't had the decency to show up in my life, well I figure You just don't care. And well, that pushes me forward in spite and drives me farther from You.

At this point in the game, that "other guy" shows up. You know the one. He is persistent isn't he, constantly knocking at the door. Well soon enough, he's knocked so many times, you finally take a look out the peep hole only to see he's there with gift in hand. Those gifts that promise you anything in this world. Those gifts that are sure to make you happy. He has them all gift-wrapped so nicely, that job that pays more, the better relationships, that big house that looks sooo good all wrapped in shiny paper and beautiful ribbons made of gold. Oh yes, they are enticing aren't they. Hmm, but I can't really afford them. What to do. But since no one else is around, I might as well just open that door a little crack to get a better look at what he's offering, since I am sure I am strong enough to say no if it appears they would be harmful to me or my family in any way.

So I opened the door Lord. :( Just a little. :( And then it happened.

I took them Jesus. All of them. I took all the gifts he was offering me. And for a moment in time, it seemed that everything was so perfect. Until those gifts no longer gave me happiness, their joy had worn off, again. And still to this day I cannot figure out why they're so expensive if they don't last! But I had to pay for them just the same. So I opened my soul and paid for those gifts from him only to realize they weren't worth it in the end. To my disillusion I had made a purchase of deep pain and suffering before looking what was clearly written on the price tag.

But You weren't there for me! You said You would never leave me! I called You a couple of times Lord and You didn't answer, and yet there I stood soul in hand, wounded and hurt, with a bleeding heart. You've failed me I figured. How could You have let me do this? How could You have led me so wrong as to trust in that other guy? Why won't You answer me? I can't hear You!

It's was a sad day when I came to realize Jesus, that You've never left me. And that this was all my fault. How can I be close to You when I never call You. If we spoke more regularly, I wouldn't have any unanswered questions, I wouldn't have any feelings of being abandoned and alone, and I sure wouldn't have any feelings of doubt that You are as real as the other people in my life.

I've done a whole lot of wrong lately Lord. Please forgive me. I am ready to repair this relationship. I am ready to begin communicating with You each and every day. I am ready and willing to do whatever it is to make this work. You are beyond anything that is imaginable in this world. You are so wonderfully awesome Lord. Your mercy is not like anything we can comprehend, to continually allow us to come to You as Your children and ask forgiveness time and time again. Jesus, I am so sorry for the way I've treated You lately. I am so ashamed at knowing that I ditched on You again. How could You ever look at me with Love in Your eyes Lord?

I thank You for sticking it out with me. Thank You so very much. I will never be able to repay You for all that You give me. The TRUE gifts that You give me. Those things that are for eternity Lord. I cannot believe I even contemplated anything other than YOUR gifts. These are the gifts of gold more beautiful than the eye can see. These are the gifts that give you peace and joy deep within. These are the gifts that You bless me with, so that I may give them to others, and bless them too Lord! You're giving me the ability to show Your Love to others. I can never thank You enough for that. Truly and honestly, You are the greatest gift anyone could ever receive, and I love You with all of the depths of my heart and mind and soul.

That door of temptation has been closed and locked Lord, and the key sits far from hand. I've opened the door to my heart wider than ever before for You, so come on in and stay awhile wouldja? ;)

Love You Forever,
Sue (hugs)

p.s. it was great talking with you again :) xoxoox