I've had one of those moments again today. You know the ones. The ones that never seem to rest unless you act on it, the ones that keep after you, keep reminding you of what you're supposed to be doing, and making all of the other silly, meaningless, futile moments of what your life is going through at the time seem to disappear into thin air.
I'm talking about clear, concise, moments of clarity in hearing Jesus. Yup. That's right. I said, I heard Jesus talking to me this morning. Now I bet you're sitting there thinking "yah, whatever, you nut case". But listen closely. He didn't appear to me in a vision, He wasn't standing in front of me on the street glowing or anything like that; He spoke directly to my heart, again.
It just seems to be the way the Lord lets me know what to do. And maybe he does this to everyone, I think that's what I've heard anyway, but it was loud and clear today on my way to worship Him at church. So I've had a few things happen in the past little while, some things are not as welcomed as others, some things were sort of unexpected yet hopeful, just regular "life" things that have come up.
On this glorious Sunday morning, I struggled with life and its curveballs, all in all while waiting to head off to church. It is a deep desire to go to church and worship God and all that He has done in my life. Yet, as I drive off down the street, I hold resentment on my heart due to a situation that I am dealing with. Nothing major, just life stuff.
On my way to church I see an elderly man waiting at the bus stop with his walker jammed up into the snow bank trying desperately to stay out of harms way with traffic zinging by. You have to remember that living where I live, the winters get cold, real cold. It was for certain one of those 'pierce your skin when you step outside' kind of cold mornings, and here stands a tall, lanky man, with one of those hats on with the ear things that flop down and the brim with fur on it gets snapped to the forehead. You know the ones. So I drive past him, I glance slightly over to see his worn, weathered, wrinkled face trying to fight off the cold while waiting for the city transit.
My heart breaks. There is it. That major tug. The one that instantly makes my own world go away. The one that erases everything and everyone in my life. Now don't get me wrong, I love my family and children and everyone else in my life, but at those moments, it's me, the guy outside, and Jesus Christ himself. That's it. The Lord's mercy takes over my heart. I might have well walked right past our God this morning, leaving him fend for himself, while I'm going to a building down the street to apparently "worship and praise Him"! Like come off of it Lady!
How can I continue on my journey this morning! How can I be such a hypocrite? Don't you see what's happening here? The Lord has put this on my heart again, the mercy for mankind, the necessity to help them, to help and aid the weak, the weary, the needy, the old. And gosh darn it all, I just couldn't continue on to church knowingly leaving this man out there, without offering something of help to him, and to ignore the call of Christ that had been placed in my heart once again!
I drove slowly down the street, thinking to myself "you're not gonna turn you back on this are you...you're not going to go to church and pretend this didn't happen within you...you hypocrite." So I decided to drive around the block, answer the call of God Himself, and if that man was still there waiting for the bus, I would pull over and ask him if I can offer him a ride.
A) Who does this type of thing in this day and age? No one. Everyone is so afraid of what society has done to our fellow man, and rightfully so. The world is a mess, a disgraceful mess filled with evil qualities that leave no room for kindness and mercy for our fellow man. And...
B) I sure hope I knew what I was doing.
I didn't know what I was doing, and for that I am so very thankful that the Lord was in control this time, because my mind would never had brought me to stop.
I asked the gentleman if I could offer him a ride. He couldn't hear me of course (probably that big furry hat over his ears). So I leaned over through my passenger window and spoke up, offering him a ride. He was very grateful but graciously said, "no that's okay, I wait for the bus", in a Finlandian accent. I persisted and kept offering since I told him it was so very cold out. And for a moment I almost had him convinced since he asked me where I was going. I said "to church" but that I could drive him anywhere he needed to go. He said he didn't want my church to be interrupted and that he was happy I stopped to even ask him. I said the Lord speaks to my heart and that is why I am asking him. He opted out of the ride graciously, and ever so thankfully.
What I wanted to tell him was that Jesus speaks to us in many ways; we just don't know how to listen. I once had a dream right after my father passed away years ago, that he told me in my dream, that he was always there, I just didn't know how to see him yet. He was a thin light that is always around, but our eyes just don't know how to focus on him yet. And that was enough for me to believe that he was telling me the truth, dream or no dream. Dad was okay. :)
And so my heart broke and wept as I pulled away. (Stop crying you'll mess your make up before church, I thought). But am I a better person because of the experience? You are darn tootin' I am. The Lord spoke, and I listened this time. Blessings to all of us who are chosen by the Lord to do His good works and have faith and trust in Him. We love Him with all of our hearts and souls.
Happy Sunday :)
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